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So, for ye of little faith, I’m back with another installment of my Bible Study Project.  I’d wanted to get all the way through Genesis and then post but I’ve been running low on spare time so I figured I’d post what I’ve read and then get back to the rest later.  It might be a while before I get back into it; this book is just so damn boring.

That said, here we go back into the bad old days.

First, in 10:8, we read about Nimrod.  I found it ironic that the name of a “mighty hunter” such as Nimrod would eventually become associated with idiocy.  I also like the Forrest Gumpish sound of this line in 10:9:

He was a mighty hunter before the LORD; that is why it is said, “Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the LORD.”

Genius.

In 11:1-8 we learn of the tower of Babel.  In this story man all speaks the same language and decides to build a tower to God.  God doesn’t want this because working together man can do anything.  So he makes them all speak different languages and transplants them all over the world.  I guess I’m supposed to believe this actually happened.  Why would God be afraid of man?  Aren’t we his creations?  Can’t he just snap is fingers and just make us stop?

In 12:10-20 we have more pimping.  Abram pimps his wife Saraito Pharoh because of the same excuse as the others; he’s afraid he’ll be killed if he lets anyone know she’s his wife.  It’s totally pimping because Abram makes out with sheep, cattle, donkeys, and servant in the deal.  Pharoh gets pissed at Abram when God starts laying the smack down on Pharoh’s family because Sarai is a whore.  Pharoh sends Abram away with all he has in the end.  Who said pimpin’ ain’t easy?

In 15:9,10 we see more sacrifices.  Sounds pagan in nature to me.

In chapter 16 we have Sarai allowing her maidservent to carry the children of her husband, Abram, because she’s barren and can’t conceive.  I’m finding that most of the women in this book are somehow failures because they can’t conceive.  Apparently this little arrangement is okay with God because he blesses the maidservant, Hagar, with a child.

In chapter 17 we learn that if a child does not have some bit of flesh removed from the end of his penis he will be “cut off” from God.  Seriously, this is the kind of stuff cults say.  This god seriously commands that this flesh be removed before he’ll even entertain the thought of allowing a child into heaven?  This is some silly, silly stuff.  We also see Abram go through a name change to Abraham, and Sarai becomes Sarah.  I have no idea why.

In 19:8 we have the story of Soddom and Gammorah, and this is one of the most disgusting stories I’ve read in this book so far.  To recap, two angels show up to Lot’s house.  Soon an angry, homosexual mob arrives at his house and demands Lot give up the two angelmen so they can buttfuck them silly.  Lot refuses and instead offers up his two daughters.  No shit, this is for real.  Look it up.  Lot would rather his daughters be raped and possibly killed than to give up the two men in his house. In chapter 19, verse 8:

Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man.  Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them.  But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof

This is disgusting.  Why would I ever want to teach my children this story?  What are they supposed to get out of this, that women are expendable and that men are not?  What kind of monster would allow his own daughters to be raped in order to save a couple of strangers?  Is this the book in which Christians and Jews get their morals?

In 19:30-38 it gets even better.  After Soddom and Gemorrah are destroyed and Lot’s wife is turned into a pillar of salt his daughter get him drunk and fuck him.  Not only do they fuck him, but they have his incest babies.  I’m not making this up, read it for yourself.

But if you thought it couldn’t get any more despicable it does (or it at least makes a hell of an attempt).  In 22:1-19 God wants to “test” Abraham’s devotion.  He commands Abraham to kill his son Isaac as a sacrifice.  Abraham actually builds an alter with Isaac, ties him up, tosses him on top of the alter, and then pulls out a knife to kill his own son.  Only at the last possible second does got speak up to tell Abraham to stop; it’s just a test.  God is extremely pleased with himself over this and rewards Abraham greatly for following orders so well.

Now let’s think about this for a minute.  This is repugnant and reprehensible.  Do you have kids?  What kind of a monster would order you to kill your own child?  This is torture that would only cause psychological anguish and despair.  This is the loving god that only wants what’s best for us?  I can’t believe that adults, adults who should have critical thinking skills, expect me to believe this horseshit.  How am I supposed to love a god that would put a human, his own creation who he claims to love, through that kind of torture for his own amusement?

So, moving on, in 22:24 we see that Nahor has a concubine.  Apparently that’s a-okay with God.  In 24:16 a wife is sought for Issac but she has to be virgin.  Here we are back on the virgin stuff again.  And in 25:5 Abraham takes his own concubines!  How is all this extra-curricular sex okay?  I guess because men are doing it.

So we fast forward to the future and Issac is old and dying.  He wants his son, Esau, to go kill some animal and cook it up for him so he can have a nice dinner and give Esau his blessing before he dies.  Issac’s wife always favored the other son, Jacob, so she tells him to just kill a goat and cook it for Issac before Esau gets back.  Issac’s half-dead anyway, how will he know the difference?  Jacob does this and gets Issac’s blessing.  Esau gets back only to find out Jacob beat him to the punch and got the blessing.  Issac tells Esau tough shit and Esau is now super pissed about it.  Apparently Issac can’t change this blessing, despite being duped.  Again, this is just silly myth.

In 28:9 Esau has many wives.  In chapter 29 we see that Jacob also has multiple wives.  Apparently polygamy is a-okay with God.  Why don’t Christians take the same stance now?  Or Jews, for that matter?

In chapter 30 we see the same story as in chapter 16, only this time Rachel, one of Jacob’s wives, offers up the maidservent as a surrogate mother.  Jacob has babies with her then finally with Rachel once God “fixed” her womb.  This Jacob is literally getting poontang like mad.  God is more than okay with this arrangement, blessing him with babies and such.  How is this okay, you might ask?   I’m unsure myself.

In 30-37 we have a tree branches placed in front of mating goats, producing spotted goats.  I’m not sure how this is supposed to have actually worked.  Magic?

In summary, as a book of myths, this might work.  As a literal account of actual events, this is just plain stupid.  I keep hoping it’ll get better but so far it just hasn’t.  Christians will probably tell me that the new testament is where it’s at and to ignore all this old testatment stuff.  I don’t see how I can do that, not if it’s all the “word of God” and whatnot.  I keep trying to tell myself this all isn’t a waste of time but that’s getting tougher and tougher the further I go.