BrianJarrett.com

I want this on a t-shirt so I can wear it to the Creation Museum.

I saw one of these while driving past the Catholic Supply in South City (no, that’s not a joke). It was prominently displayed in the window in all its plastic glory.

Target actually carries these things, believe it or not. Not only does he look awesome (and European) he talks as well (in English). He has a five out of five star rating (of course).

He has product features too. Action Jesus brings the following to the table: …read more »

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the fossil record tells me so. Enjoy.

Last week my family and I went to Sweet Tomatoes, something not uncommon, and had dinner. After we’d finished Traci went outside because she was cold and also not feeling well. I was inside still, getting Orson cleaned up and minding my own business when an old woman walked past our table. She remarked on how cute Orson was and I agreed; he’s a good-looking kid. We get that all the time so it wasn’t strange, in and of itself. She then went on to tell me that I should speak to him in a loving manner and essentially be kind to him. I thought all fathers should do that actually. I told her that I was very involved with raising Orson and did indeed provide him with love and understanding. By then I thought that she was getting a little out of her boundaries but I didn’t want to be rude to an old lady and I figured she’d just move on.

Then she asked me if he was a “Jesus-Boy”. I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her correctly so I asked her again what she said. Turned out I’d heard her correctly. ‘Great’, I thought. I tried to diffuse the situation by kindly bowing out. I didn’t want to tell her that her belief system was total bullshit; I just wanted to be left alone. I said ‘we’re really not that religious’ hoping that she’d just go on her way soon. I didn’t want to give in and just agree with her; I’d be selling out then. But, I didn’t want to become an unwitting participant in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The reality is that most evangelicals and fundamentalists believe that atheists are the same as the devil. We’re evil people who do evil things because we have no concept of ethics, compassion, conscience. If I allowed this to digress into an argument then I’d prove to her that I was indeed the monster that her leaders claimed I was. I was now uncomfortable too, a feeling I’m all too familiar with in public, especially around strangers.

She then told me that the only way Orson would see salvation was …read more »

I received the best letter ever today, one that I apparently have needed for some time but didn’t even know it. Turns out there’s this group called St. Matthew’s Churches in Oklahoma that knows me without even knowing my name. They’ve detected, through some kind of magic, that I need some direction in my life. They decided to loan me a letter with a bunch of cool stuff in it so I could get right to turning my miserable, useless life around and start obeying orders.

I flipped the envelope over to find even more good news:

Prophecies? Sealed prophecies? That’s Indiana Jones type stuff! And it also appeared that my time was running out …read more »